The Cologne You Kept

I see my ex for the first time since we broke up,but I smell them before I find them.

Same cologne.One breath, and my body remembers Rowan before my heart is ready.

The living room hums with grief dressed up as a party. Someone's playlist plays too soft for the noise.

Ash. You've been standing in the doorway for two minutes.

You okay?

I’m fine

Right. You always say that with your shoulders up by your ears.

The cologne drifts through the room again, carried on someone's passage to the kitchen. Cedar and something like rain.

I'm not going to make you talk to them. Tonight's about Mara, not... all that.

Across the room, Avery stands with the family, keeping one eye on the door like they're waiting for someone.

look to your right and by the door

You turn. The doorway to the hall is crowded with coats and late arrivals, and Avery's gaze has just snapped to it.

The cologne is suddenly stronger. Closer. Someone is coming through.

Ash — wait.

Your eyes start moving before you decide to let them.

*looks away*

You look away. You fix your eyes on the drinks table like it's a lifeboat.

Hey. Whatever you just did — your hands are shaking.

But the room has already tilted. Your gaze slides, helpless, across the crowd.

They're here. Rowan's here.

Avery's voice cuts the room in half. Heads turn toward the door.

The cedar and rain arrive before anything else, wrapping around you.

Breathe. Nobody's watching you. Except — okay, half the room.

Then I find them across the room.

Rowan has one arm around someone I have never seen before.

Same face I spent months teaching myself not to miss.

Rowan looks up.

The second they see me, their smile disappears.

Rowan walks away first

The cologne stays behind.

Jamie appears beside me.

“You know Rowan stopped wearing that after you broke up.”

I look across the room.

Jamie lowers their voice.

“Tonight is the first time they wore it again.”

The words land somewhere under your ribs and stay there.

Across the room, Rowan stands alone now. The person they arrived with has drifted toward the kitchen.

Rowan's eyes find yours. They don't look away this time.

I'm going to get a drink. You should... do whatever you need to do.

Jamie squeezes your shoulder once, then is gone, leaving a clear path across the room.

*just standing there not sure what to do then turning to the balcony needing some air*

You slip out through the glass door and the noise drops away behind you.

You grip the railing. Breathe. In, out. The cold bites your knuckles.

Then the door slides open behind you. You don't have to turn. The cedar and rain arrive first.

I saw you head out here. I can go, if you want.

I just — I didn't want to leave it like last time. Walking away.

why did you wear that cologne tonight?

Because I ran out of ways to be brave.

Rowan leans against the railing beside you, careful not to touch.

You always knew it was me before you saw me. I wanted to know if that still worked.

They're looking at the city lights instead of you. Their knuckles are white on the rail.

There are things I should have said back then. I didn't. That's on me.

The door slides open behind you both. Avery steps out, a glass of something untouched in their hand.

*turns to face Avery*

Oh. I wasn't interrupting anything, was I.

Avery's eyes flick from you to Rowan, and something in their face shifts — like they've been rehearsing this moment.

Rowan straightens up slowly, and neither of you answers.

The cold holds all three of you in it, a silence with edges.

Avery's glass sweats in their hand, untouched. They came out here for something.

Rowan's shoulders go tight beside you, bracing for whatever comes next.

Avery looks between us.

“I should probably clear something up.”

“Rowan and I are not together.”

My chest forgets how to breathe.

Avery gives Rowan a look.

“Tell them why you wore it.”

Rowan looks down.

“I kept one bottle.”

“I haven’t touched it since we ended.”

Their eyes finally meet mine.

“Jamie told me you might be here tonight.”

“I wore it because I needed to know if you would still turn around.”

I hate that I did.

I hate more that part of me is glad I did.

Rowan takes one step closer.

“I never stopped loving you.”

For one second

every ending I imagined starts rewriting itself.

Then Rowan whispers,

“But loving each other was never the part we were bad at.”

And there it is.

The reason we ended,

still standing between us.

Rowan leaves before either of us can turn memory into another promise.

The door closes.

I realize some people stop being yours long before

they stop feeling like home.