The Cologne You Kept

I see my ex for the first time since we broke up,but I smell them before I find them.

Same cologne.One breath, and my body remembers Rowan before my heart is ready.

The living room is too full of people who loved Sam, and somewhere in it, that scent.

Andrew. Breathe. You've gone pale as the walls.

Jamie's hand finds your elbow, steadying you before your knees decide anything.

That's Alex , my ex boyfriend! what do you mean breathe?!

Rowan. His name is Rowan, and you know it. Alex was two years ago.

Jamie keeps their voice low. Half this room is Sam's family, and grief makes everyone's hearing sharp.

You said you were over this. You said those exact words in the car.

Hopefuly Rowan is better towards me then Alex was

Better? Andrew, Rowan's the one who ended it, remember? You never even got a why.

A voice comes from just behind your shoulder —

close enough that the cologne wraps around you like a hand you used to hold.

You still stand with all your weight on one foot when you're scared to run.

By the time you turn, there's only the crowd, and the scent moving through it.

Rowan, wait—

Andrew. Andrew, look at me. What did they just say to you?

Your mouth is open. Nothing comes out. Jamie's grip on your elbow is the only thing holding you upright.

Say something. Anything. Or I'm taking you outside for air, right now.

Somewhere past Jamie's shoulder, Avery has gone quiet, staring at you like they're deciding something.

Then I find them across the room.

Rowan has one arm around someone I have never seen before.

Same face I spent months teaching myself not to miss.

Rowan looks up.

The second they see me, their smile disappears.

Rowan walks away first

The cologne stays behind.

Jamie appears beside me.

“You know Rowan stopped wearing that after you broke up.”

I look across the room.

Jamie lowers their voice.

“Tonight is the first time they wore it again.”

Across the room, Rowan stands alone by the window, the someone-you've-never-seen gone to get drinks.

Jamie steps back, deliberately, leaving a clear path across the floor.

I was so stupid! I thought a guy could love me

Jamie's voice drops so only you can hear it. "What I doubted was whether they'd ever let you see all of them."

Is it weird that zi am gay Jamie?

Behind you, a floorboard creaks. Someone has come looking for Rowan, and found you instead.

Avery hesitates, glancing between you and the window, like there's more they came here to say.

Oh , of course he is

Avery shifts their weight, like someone deciding whether a secret still belongs to them.

Avery stops. Looks at you. Looks past you, toward the porch door.

The porch door opens behind you. Rowan steps through it, and stops.

For a second, nobody in this room breathes — you, Avery, Rowan, all of it held mid-air.

Avery looks at Rowan, then at you, and something in their face softens.

Avery looks between us.

“I should probably clear something up.”

“Rowan and I are not together.”

My chest forgets how to breathe.

Avery gives Rowan a look.

“Tell them why you wore it.”

Rowan looks down.

“I kept one bottle.”

“I haven’t touched it since we ended.”

Their eyes finally meet mine.

“Jamie told me you might be here tonight.”

“I wore it because I needed to know if you would still turn around.”

I hate that I did.

I hate more that part of me is glad I did.

Rowan takes one step closer.

“I never stopped loving you.”

For one second

every ending I imagined starts rewriting itself.

Then Rowan whispers,

“But loving each other was never the part we were bad at.”

And there it is.

The reason we ended,

still standing between us.

Rowan leaves before either of us can turn memory into another promise.

The door closes.

I realize some people stop being yours long before

they stop feeling like home.