The Cologne You Kept

I see my ex for the first time since we broke up,but I smell them before I find them.

Same cologne.One breath, and my body remembers Rowan before my heart is ready.

The scent cuts through the casseroles and the coffee, through the whole crowded living room of Marta's sister's house.

Zandross. Hey. You went pale — breathe.

Whoever it is, they're somewhere behind you. You don't have to turn around.

*I turn around * Oh Jamie you are here

You turn, and the room is a wall of black dresses and grief-casseroles, faces sliding past — but no Rowan. Not yet.

The cologne is still there, closer now, threading through it all.

I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

But, Zandross… if you're looking for them, they came. I saw their coat by the door ten minutes ago.

The kitchen door swings on its hinge, and Avery passes through it, arm looped through Rowan's —

No. Not arm in arm. Just Avery steering Rowan by the elbow, like someone guiding the bereaved to a chair.

Avery's eyes find yours across the room first. They stiffen — caught.

And behind Avery's shoulder, half-hidden by the folding chairs, someone is standing very still, the way people

stand when they're trying not to be found.

Zandross, wait —

The cologne sharpens. Your heart does that thing before your head can argue with it.

Your hand's shaking. Here — take the mug, hold something.

You take it. The ceramic is warm and your knuckles are white around it anyway.

Avery murmurs something close to that half-hidden face, and steps aside, leaving them in full view.

Then I find them across the room.

Rowan has one arm around someone I have never seen before.

Same face I spent months teaching myself not to miss.

Rowan looks up.

The second they see me, their smile disappears.

Rowan walks away first

The cologne stays behind.

Jamie appears beside me.

“You know Rowan stopped wearing that after you broke up.”

I look across the room.

Jamie lowers their voice.

“Tonight is the first time they wore it again.”

The words land somewhere under your ribs, and for a second the whole room is just noise around them.

I thought you should know before you decide what to do with that face you're making.

Across the room, Rowan stands alone now by the folding chairs, staring into a cup of punch they haven't touched.

Avery has drifted toward the kitchen door, but keeps glancing back — at Rowan, then at you.

Like someone watching two matches near the same fuse.

Look — Marta's family is about to do the toast, and then everyone will circle up.

If you're going to say anything to them, it's now or it's never.

Avery how could you! you told me Rowan was bad for doing what he did and it was you with him all along

What — no. Zandross, no, it's not —

Avery crosses back to you in three quick steps, voice dropped low so the mourners nearest can't hear.

I never said Rowan was bad. I said they were a mess. There's a difference, and you knew it when I said it.

And whatever you think you saw with your eyes, you've got wrong.

Zandross — hey — people are starting to look over.

Across the room, Rowan's head has lifted. They're watching you now, jaw tight, knuckles pale around that untouched cup.

God. Okay. Before this gets any worse —

Rowan sets the cup down on the chair beside them and starts walking over. Toward you. Toward both of you.

The cologne arrives a half-second before they do, close enough now that there's no pretending it's anyone else's.

Avery. Whatever you're about to say —

Rowan stops an arm's length from you. The whole room hums behind them, and they don't look at it. They look at you.

Rowan's eyes stay on you, and the room goes quiet in the way rooms do when they shouldn't.

I'll — I'll just be over here.

Avery shifts their weight, caught square between the two of you, and takes a breath.

Avery looks between us.

“I should probably clear something up.”

“Rowan and I are not together.”

My chest forgets how to breathe.

Avery gives Rowan a look.

“Tell them why you wore it.”

Rowan looks down.

“I kept one bottle.”

“I haven’t touched it since we ended.”

Their eyes finally meet mine.

“Jamie told me you might be here tonight.”

“I wore it because I needed to know if you would still turn around.”

I hate that I did.

I hate more that part of me is glad I did.

Rowan takes one step closer.

“I never stopped loving you.”

For one second

every ending I imagined starts rewriting itself.

Then Rowan whispers,

“But loving each other was never the part we were bad at.”

And there it is.

The reason we ended,

still standing between us.

Rowan leaves before either of us can turn memory into another promise.

The door closes.

I realize some people stop being yours long before

they stop feeling like home.