The Killer Who Said He Sold Human Burgers

Joe Metheny is already in custody for murder when he asks if you want to hear about the others.

You expect another body. Instead, Joe starts talking about a roadside food stand.

Then he tells you what he claims he mixed into the meat.

You look a little green around the gills, Detective.

Cat got your tongue? Most folks can't wait to ask.

He leans back, cuffed hands folded on the table, watching you.

You look familliar detective J. you look like that cerrial killer that killed people last night what a quincidence ....right?

Cereal killer. That's a good one, Roxie.

Though I gotta say — you're the first cop to walk in here and joke.

He grins, slow, like he's filing the joke away for later use.

Most of you just sit there pretending the coffee's too hot to drink.

Give me that file

The file on the table is yours, not his. You're the one who brought it in.

That your file? Go on. Open it up, Roxie.

Read me the parts you got. I'll tell you which ones are wrong.

His eyes never leave your face. He's not asking. He's offering.

You want proof I'm not just a big windbag, don't you?

Ask me right, and I'll give you something you can dig up.

How weird......you have criminal charges , it's almost like you aren't a real detective

Criminal charges? Roxie, look across the table.

I'm the one wearing the bracelets. You're the one with the badge.

He laughs, but his eyes stay flat, tracking yours like a scale weighing something.

You've been off-balance since I mentioned the meat. I noticed.

Maybe you stopped at one of those little stands yourself, huh? On that route?

He lets that sit. He doesn't need an answer — your face is giving him one.

So here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna ask me right.

Not for a name. Not for a maybe. For a place.

Go ahead, Roxie. Ask me where.

Go on. You know you want to.

The room hums. The tape spins. He waits, patient as a butcher.

Ask me where, Roxie. And bring shovels.

Joe gives you a location behind the pallet yard.

By daylight, the place looks almost ordinary.

Then the digging starts.

The first search finds nothing.

Joe looks at the ground and tells you to move ten feet.

This time, the soil gives something back.

Human remains.

The name is Catherine Magaziner.

Joe told you where she was because Joe put her there.

He admits strangling her inside his trailer.

Then you ask the question nobody wants answered.

Why?

Joe does not blame rage.

I liked the feeling of power.

killing gave him a rush.

The room gets quieter after that.

Because the body proves at least one part of his story was real.

Then Joe starts talking about other women.

Other nights.

And the roadside stand again.

You still have no proof anyone ate what Joe claims they ate.

But now you know one terrifying thing.

When Joe gives you a location, sometimes there is a body waiting there.

You're quiet, Roxie. Good. Means you're thinking.

Thinking about how many more of me is buried out there.

He shifts forward, the cuffs clicking against the table's edge.

Catherine wasn't the first. She wasn't the last, either.

You want names? I got names.

Who did you kill

Straight to it. I like that. No warm-up.

Kimberly Spicer. That's the one that got me sitting here.

Catherine Magaziner. You dug her up yourself. Two for two.

He holds up cuffed fingers, counting, like it's a game.

But Roxie, I told you — Catherine wasn't the last.

There's more. Some you can find. Some you never will.

His grin widens, watching your pen hover over the page.

Careful how you write that down. I ain't giving you a tidy list.

Why Joe? Why resort your lifebto killing people like thi

Why? I already told you why, Roxie. You weren't listening.

The power. The rush. It ain't complicated.

He says it flat, like reading a receipt. No excuses offered.

You want complicated? Ask me about the others.

Some nights I remember clear as glass. Some are fog.

Fog's a problem for you, ain't it? Can't dig up fog.

He leans back, settles in, like a man with nowhere else to be.

But keep that pen ready. I ain't done talking yet.

You were that kid......that my team savedvatvthat burning building thatbuour parents left younthere ...weren't you?

A burning building? Roxie, what are you doing?

You're writing me a sad story so this all makes sense.

He shakes his head slowly, still grinning, but colder now.

Nobody left me nowhere. Nobody saved me neither.

I ain't a puzzle for you to solve. I'm just what I am.

He shifts forward again, done with your theory, back to his list.

You want a story? Here's one. South Baltimore, '94.

A woman nobody's ever asked you about. Write that down.

He keeps going — another name, then another, some real, some fog.

The names keep coming. Your pen can't keep up.

Some of them you'll find. Some you'll chase forever.

Eventually the room empties of new names. He watches you.

Joe keeps talking after the digging stops.

Catherine Magaziner was real.

Her remains were exactly where he said they would be.

Kimberly Spicer was real too.

Joe was already serving life without parole for killing her.

So when Joe describes more victims, detectives have a reason to listen.

He claims there were as many as ten.Investigators cannot prove them all.

Then you return to the claim that made the room go silent.

The roadside food stand.

I mixed human remains with meat.

strangers bought it without knowing.

But this time, there is no grave to uncover.

No remains from a burger stand.

No physical evidence proving anyone ate what Joe described.

The murders are horrifying because police can prove them.

The burger story is horrifying because they cannot.

Joe pleads guilty to Catherine’s murder and robbery.

A jury sentences him to death.

Maryland’s highest court later throws that death sentence out.

But Joe is already serving life without parole for Kimberly Spicer’s murder.

He will never walk out of prison.

Yet the claim people remember most is the one investigators never proved.

Maybe Joe confessed because he wanted the truth known.

Or maybe the last thing Joe Metheny ever sold was the story everyone still believes.