The Cologne You Kept

I see my ex for the first time since we broke up,but I smell them before I find them.

Same cologne.One breath, and my body remembers Rowan before my heart is ready.

The living room is too warm, full of people wearing their grief politely.

You should be looking at Jamie, who needs you tonight. You are not.

Jessica. Hey. You went somewhere just now — you okay?

no, my ex is here. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Oh. Oh no. I didn't think they'd come.

I mean — I hoped — Sam would've wanted them here, but...

Across the room, Avery stands with the family, close enough to notice everything.

You catch a thread of that cologne again, and your chest does something your mind hasn't approved.

Do you want to go stand in the kitchen? I'll come with you.

yeah, sure thanks

Jamie takes your sleeve and steers you toward the hallway, away from the crowd.

You round the corner into the kitchen doorway — and stop.

Rowan is standing at the counter, alone, holding two cups.

Jessica.

The cologne is everywhere now. There is nowhere to breathe that isn't them.

I — hi. I didn't know if you'd come.

Sam would have wanted you here. That's the only reason I could face this room.

Their eyes drop to the cups in their hands. One has no ice in it.

You never took ice. Eight months, and they still poured it that way without thinking.

I should get back to Avery. They've been... checking on me all night.

They set the no-ice cup on the counter between you, like an offering or an apology, and slip past.

Jessica? You're shaking. What happened?

Jamie's hand finds your shoulder. "Come on. Kitchen. Breathe first."

You follow them back through the doorway, and the crowd swallows the hallway again.

Somewhere in the noise, you find yourself looking — not for the door, not for Jamie.

Looking for them.

The living room hums with low voices, grief worn like good coats.

You scan faces you don't know, past the family, past Avery — searching.

Still with me? You don't have to keep standing here.

Then I find them across the room.

Rowan has one arm around someone I have never seen before.

Same face I spent months teaching myself not to miss.

Rowan looks up.

The second they see me, their smile disappears.

Rowan walks away first

The cologne stays behind.

Jamie appears beside me.

“You know Rowan stopped wearing that after you broke up.”

I look across the room.

Jamie lowers their voice.

“Tonight is the first time they wore it again.”

The words land somewhere under your ribs and stay there.

Across the room, Rowan stands alone now, the stranger gone for more coats or more grief.

Their thumb runs the rim of a cup they aren't drinking from.

The no-ice cup you didn't take still sits on the kitchen counter behind you.

I probably shouldn't have told you that.

It's just — you kept looking at them like they were a stranger. They're not acting like one.

Rowan's eyes lift.

They find you through the crowd, the way they used to find you across rooms full of people who mattered less.

They don't look away this time.

I gotta go I’m sorry

You don't wait for Jamie to answer. You turn for the hallway.

The front door is right there. Ten steps, maybe twelve, and the night air takes all of this away.

You're almost at it when a voice stops you. Not Jamie's.

Jessica. Wait — please.

Rowan stands a few feet behind you, cup abandoned somewhere, breath short like they crossed the room fast.

You don't have to stay. I just — you were leaving without saying anything.

Again.

The word lands heavier than they meant it to. You can see them regret it in real time.

That came out wrong. I'm sorry. Sam's night. I'm not making this about me.

Behind them, in the doorway, Avery has appeared — quiet, watchful, the way they've been all night.

I walked outside in the pouring rain

The rain hits you before the door even closes behind you, warm and sudden, soaking through everything.

Behind you, the door opens again. You hear it over the rain.

Jessica —

Rowan steps out without a coat, hair flattening instantly, standing three feet away like the rain isn't there.

Okay. Okay, you left. That's fair.

But the last time you walked away from me, neither of us said anything true. And I've hated that for a year.

Water runs down their face. They don't wipe it away.

You don't owe me a conversation. But Sam's in that room, and I can't —

The door opens a third time. Avery steps out under the awning, arms crossed, rain loud on the roof above them.

Rowan. You're soaked. You don't even like the rain.

And Jessica — you should know something before you decide whether to walk down that street.

Avery looks at you, then at Rowan, waiting for permission neither of them asks for out loud.

Rain hammers the awning. Three of you under it, and no one moving.

Rowan's soaked shoulders rise and fall. Avery uncrosses their arms.

Something has been sitting in Avery all night. It finally lets go.

Avery looks between us.

“I should probably clear something up.”

“Rowan and I are not together.”

My chest forgets how to breathe.

Avery gives Rowan a look.

“Tell them why you wore it.”

Rowan looks down.

“I kept one bottle.”

“I haven’t touched it since we ended.”

Their eyes finally meet mine.

“Jamie told me you might be here tonight.”

“I wore it because I needed to know if you would still turn around.”

I hate that I did.

I hate more that part of me is glad I did.

Rowan takes one step closer.

“I never stopped loving you.”

For one second

every ending I imagined starts rewriting itself.

Then Rowan whispers,

“But loving each other was never the part we were bad at.”

And there it is.

The reason we ended,

still standing between us.

Rowan leaves before either of us can turn memory into another promise.

The door closes.

I realize some people stop being yours long before

they stop feeling like home.