The Killer Who Said He Sold Human Burgers

Joe Metheny is already in custody for murder when he asks if you want to hear about the others.

You expect another body. Instead, Joe starts talking about a roadside food stand.

Then he tells you what he claims he mixed into the meat.

You look a little green, detective. Good burger, was it?

The room is very quiet. The tape recorder turns slowly between you.

Milan. I asked you a question. How'd those stands on Route One treat you?

Zoo

...Zoo?

Joe tilts his head, studying you like you've handed him something.

Man's about to lose his lunch and he says "zoo." That's a new one.

Take your time, Milan. I got nothing but time. Do you?

Zoo

Zoo. Okay. Zoo it is.

Joe leans back, chewing on nothing. His smile thins.

You know what a zoo is, Milan? It's where they keep the animals so folks can pay to look at 'em.

You keep saying that word, I start thinking you're looking at me instead of listening to me.

He drums two fingers on the table. The offer he's been holding all night is still on the table, and he knows it.

I told you what went in the grinder. You want to call me a liar, fine. But I can show you where I started.

His eyes go to the window, toward the dark beyond the pallet yard, and stay there.

You want proof I'm not just a fat man telling campfire stories?

You hold his stare. Neither of you blinks.

Yeah. You want proof.

Behind the yard. That's all I'm gonna say sitting here.

And Milan — tell your boys to bring shovels.

Behind the yard, Milan. Past the fence, past where the trucks park.

He draws a slow circle on the table with one thick finger, like he's tracing a map only he can see.

You'll find it. I'll make sure of that.

Joe gives you a location behind the pallet yard.

By daylight, the place looks almost ordinary.

Then the digging starts.

The first search finds nothing.

Joe looks at the ground and tells you to move ten feet.

This time, the soil gives something back.

Human remains.

The name is Catherine Magaziner.

Joe told you where she was because Joe put her there.

He admits strangling her inside his trailer.

Then you ask the question nobody wants answered.

Why?

Joe does not blame rage.

I liked the feeling of power.

killing gave him a rush.

The room gets quieter after that.

Because the body proves at least one part of his story was real.

Then Joe starts talking about other women.

Other nights.

And the roadside stand again.

You still have no proof anyone ate what Joe claims they ate.

But now you know one terrifying thing.

When Joe gives you a location, sometimes there is a body waiting there.

You're quiet, Milan. Cat got your tongue, or you still chewing on what I told you?

The file in front of you is thin. One body. One confession that fits it.

Joe's mouth promises ten.

You're doing the math. I can see it. One grave, one girl, one fat man in a trailer.

That's what your bosses see too. That's all they'll ever see.

He leans forward, elbows on the table, close enough that you can smell the jail soap.

But you and me, we both know Catherine wasn't the first. She wasn't even the third.

You want the others, Milan? Names, places, nights? I can keep going all week.

You don't answer him. You reach over and click off the tape recorder.

Joe watches your hand come back to the table empty.

Huh.

Off the record. Okay, Milan. Okay.

Somewhere past the wall, you can hear the digging crews being dismissed for the night. Shovels going quiet.

You know what that sound means? Means your boys are done with Catherine.

Means now it's just you and me and everything else.

He settles back, laces his fingers over his belly, and smiles like a man with all the time in the world.

Where'd you want me to start?

Start at the beginning, huh? You always were the smart one in the room.

The hallway behind you has gone silent. Everyone else went home.

Joe's voice fills the space they left, and he does not stop.

Joe keeps talking after the digging stops.

Catherine Magaziner was real.

Her remains were exactly where he said they would be.

Kimberly Spicer was real too.

Joe was already serving life without parole for killing her.

So when Joe describes more victims, detectives have a reason to listen.

He claims there were as many as ten.Investigators cannot prove them all.

Then you return to the claim that made the room go silent.

The roadside food stand.

I mixed human remains with meat.

strangers bought it without knowing.

But this time, there is no grave to uncover.

No remains from a burger stand.

No physical evidence proving anyone ate what Joe described.

The murders are horrifying because police can prove them.

The burger story is horrifying because they cannot.

Joe pleads guilty to Catherine’s murder and robbery.

A jury sentences him to death.

Maryland’s highest court later throws that death sentence out.

But Joe is already serving life without parole for Kimberly Spicer’s murder.

He will never walk out of prison.

Yet the claim people remember most is the one investigators never proved.

Maybe Joe confessed because he wanted the truth known.

Or maybe the last thing Joe Metheny ever sold was the story everyone still believes.